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Old 12-13-2006, 11:02 AM   #1
AtkinsSJ
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Talking 25 Funniest Analogies

My Dad sent these in an Email to me. Some are really funny!
Quote:
25 funniest analogies - Collected by high school English teachers


Supposedly taken from actual high school essays and collected by English
teachers across the country for their own amusement. Some of these kids may
have bright futures as humor writers. What do you think?

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently
compressed by a ThighMaster.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy
who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high
schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of
those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because
of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a
formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled
with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy
comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry
them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the
East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one
that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this
plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating
for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a
real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or
something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with
power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if
she were a garbage truck backing up.
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Old 12-13-2006, 03:52 PM   #2
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Default Re: 25 Funniest Analogies

Maaan, they totally stole at least one of those from Douglas Adams.

Also I resent that comment about Americans and power tools. Seriously, that has almost never even happened to me.
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Old 12-13-2006, 07:20 PM   #3
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Default Re: 25 Funniest Analogies

Huh, thats interesting. Is that an actual American stereotype? Are there any others we should know about?
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Old 12-14-2006, 11:22 AM   #4
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Default Re: 25 Funniest Analogies

Stereotypical American tourists:
A short, fat man in shorts and a baseball cap, and his tall, thin wife with an annoying whiny voice.
Also, American police 1) Constantly eat donuts and drink coffee, and 2) send about 20 police cars to catch one person, who did something minor.
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Old 12-14-2006, 02:11 PM   #5
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Default Re: 25 Funniest Analogies

Quote:
Originally Posted by AtkinsSJ View Post
Stereotypical American tourists:
A short, fat man in shorts and a baseball cap, and his tall, thin wife with an annoying whiny voice.
Also, American police 1) Constantly eat donuts and drink coffee, and 2) send about 20 police cars to catch one person, who did something minor.

Well, stereotypes are usually not correct, especially the one about the cops and doughnuts(At least where I live.). Though they DO usually go in masses to catch one person.
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Old 12-19-2006, 06:12 PM   #6
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Default Re: 25 Funniest Analogies

My dad ate donuts back when he was a cop. He's not fat though.
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