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Old 06-12-2007, 11:28 AM   #1
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Default Tabloid News Thread

Here you post completely true news.

DLF has recently gotten a job with Hormel and has come up with a new spam flavor in light of the success of the other flavored spams. He calls it "Rhubarb delight!11!1!" spam. Rhubarb delight spam was supposed to hit the shelves in late October of 2008 until DLF struck back against Hormel claiming it was a traitor then promptly put spam in several packages of Hormel all natural meats. He was then fired.

A new development has arisen at Nintendo when Nintendo president, Satoru Iwata announced the Wii-Wii, the successor of the Nintendo Wii. Details are sketchy but Iwata announced that he will be increasing the processing capability by connecting 2 Wii consoles together. When Satoru was asked about this choice he simply smiled and said "Just wait and see how many controllers we hooked together!"

Apple has recently acquired the character "Magical Trevor" from Jonti Picking and has also joined it with iMage to make.... i-Mage, a new line of mage slaves! They look just like Magical Trevor but with the Apple logo. They will be doing your bidding in August of 2009.

Last edited by 31337; 06-12-2007 at 11:39 AM.
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Old 06-12-2007, 11:32 AM   #2
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Default Re: Tabloid News Thread

Lies and Propaganda! I don't think that conveys the sarcasm well enough.
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Old 06-12-2007, 11:38 AM   #3
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Default Re: Tabloid News Thread

Fixed it
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Old 06-12-2007, 01:49 PM   #4
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Default Re: Tabloid News Thread

Woah I'm phycic! I knew the thread starter was 31337 and the last post was 31337's so I took a guess that the middle post was Mr.O's....

AND IT WAS!
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Old 06-12-2007, 04:45 PM   #5
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Wink Re: Tabloid News Thread

Blizzard has recently aquired the WallCraft series from Newbisoft. They will be creating WallCraft IV: Lavinia Quest for the Wii-Wii, Polar Compressor, and BlandStation 9. Details are secretive, but Blizzard has mentioned that it will contain lava and walls.

Aliens have recently invaded New Pork City. The spaceship looked like a large grill. They have kidnapped several New Porkers and sizzling has been heard from the spaceship. We will be back shortly with more news on the incident!

A new world record for the youngest person alive has been made! The newborn baby Joosh is -1 years old! It is quite astounding indeed!
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Old 06-12-2007, 10:05 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PlasmaCannonsRule View Post
A new world record for the youngest person alive has been made! The newborn baby Joosh is -1 years old! It is quite astounding indeed!
And here are the tabloid comic pages! Okay it's just one comic really.



(and this comic comes from here!)

Doctor Loony Lunatic has been spotted given brains to the Charity of Hamumu. "I realize that most of the users on that website [Hamumu] emphasize Dumbness," says Lunatic. "This isn't any good for education these days, so by using these brains, they should become smarter! Less DENSA members and more MENSA members, I say." Currently, other mad scientists from the Frankenstein Fanclub conclude that the brains are perfectly safe to use to replace your current brain, and there is no trace of zombie brains in the brains.
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Old 06-13-2007, 11:12 AM   #7
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Default Re: Tabloid News Thread

In order to encourage healthy eating, as part of a national campaign, English police officers have had their truncheons replaced with cucumbers.
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Old 06-13-2007, 01:08 PM   #8
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Default Re: Tabloid News Thread

Nintendo has announced that it's next console is to be called the Nintendo Yourinal.

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Old 06-14-2007, 12:11 AM   #9
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Default Re: Tabloid News Thread

Quoted.
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Old 06-14-2007, 05:15 AM   #10
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Quote:
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Quoted.
Yay for being quoted!
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Old 06-15-2007, 05:22 AM   #11
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Default Re: Tabloid News Thread

Inferno Entertainment in a recent interview about WallCraft;

"Well, I really don't have much time on my hands, so I'll say this to all adoring, but rumor-spreading, fans; there is no news level"
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Old 06-15-2007, 12:24 PM   #12
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Hamumu fans rejoice, Dr. Lunatic: The Movie has been announced. Says director Jeffery Jutz, "Everyone enjoys the game a lot (so we've heard, I haven't played it), so it's a movie now. We've taken the game's creator [Mike Hommel] and given him no part in the movie-making besides being the inspiration, assuming that soon stands since our writing department will strip the story to the basics and then fill in the rest with the usual Hollywood drama."

"The game is wild and crazy (again, I've just heard about it), but it should be part comedy, part horror (with the zombies), part action, and part romance." says Jutz. About the actors and the characters, James Gandolfini will be playing Bouapha (they have finally settled on a pronunciation for his name, Bill-oo-puh), and Christopher Walken will play Dr. Lunatic. There are several new characters in the film. The character everyone is excited about is the Great Guru (played by Chow Yun-Fat), who teaches Bouapha the way of the hammer and then dies about halfway through the movie. There is also Bouapha's love interest, Bouaphetta (Kirsten Dunst). "We heard that Bouaphetta was actually that bald guy's sister in some game," said a member of the film's story department, "But in this she'll be a double agent with him and the doctor. I hope fans will appreciate our work of not recognizing the original source." Bouapha also has a sidekick, Paul the Pumpkin, who provides about 50% of the lame jokes.

But the hammer welder is not without his enemies. Jeff Jutz says, "We think that one villain isn't enough in the film. We want to stuff as much confusing plot in as we can." Matilda is now a humanoid with an opisthosoma and spider legs, who is Dr. Lunatic's needed "beautiful" assistant. Somewhere in the film, she falls in love with Bouapha. The Yeti Bros. are the bumbling cronies of the Doctor, and will provide the other 50% of the lame jokes. The Thing will look like a recolored Davy Jones who is also in love with Matilda. Finally, Sphinxter will be portrayed in CG as an uncaring sphinx. His sneeze will be given by the director himself, one of the in-jokes of the film. "I hope I get the Oscar for as Best Sound Effect." says Jutz.

The movie should be released sometime in 2009.
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Old 09-13-2007, 11:53 AM   #13
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Default Re: Tabloid News Thread

Hooray! Dr Lunatic the movie! Hooray!
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Old 09-13-2007, 03:09 PM   #14
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Default Re: Tabloid News Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by 31337 View Post
Here you post completely true news.

DLF has recently gotten a job with Hormel and has come up with a new spam flavor in light of the success of the other flavored spams. He calls it "Rhubarb delight!11!1!" spam. Rhubarb delight spam was supposed to hit the shelves in late October of 2008 until DLF struck back against Hormel claiming it was a traitor then promptly put spam in several packages of Hormel all natural meats. He was then fired.

A new development has arisen at Nintendo when Nintendo president, Satoru Iwata announced the Wii-Wii, the successor of the Nintendo Wii. Details are sketchy but Iwata announced that he will be increasing the processing capability by connecting 2 Wii consoles together. When Satoru was asked about this choice he simply smiled and said "Just wait and see how many controllers we hooked together!"

Apple has recently acquired the character "Magical Trevor" from Jonti Picking and has also joined it with iMage to make.... i-Mage, a new line of mage slaves! They look just like Magical Trevor but with the Apple logo. They will be doing your bidding in August of 2009.
Necroing it... eh?
99 Red Balloons!
Reporter: Where!?
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Last edited by Jamul; 09-13-2007 at 07:42 PM. Reason: language
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