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Old 05-22-2011, 06:27 AM   #1
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Yerfdog Spam Battle: Return of the Spam!

That's right people, SPAM BATTLE IS BACK!!! If you don't know what that is, it's basically a massive forum battle between the Good side, the Spam side and the Neutral side. You can join any side you like. Each side has a castle, and there is a different habitat for each of the sides. Now onto the rules:

1. No other teams! So no plant. Sorry, Megadog. :P

2. No killing other people's characters! You can do anything you want to them, just not killing. You can kill your own character(s) though.

3. No godmodding! To be more specific, destroying one of the team's castles/superweapons/something similar in one post. Or any godmodding really. If anyone does godmod, just ignore them.

4. No making big storylines! This is what killed the first Spam Battle. If you want to get involved in a big ongoing storyline, Spam Wars RPG X is the place for you, but NOT HERE. This is just a big fight. With rules. There could be mini-storylines I suppose, but they must be minor and not affect the battle too massively.

5. You CAN make other characters apart from yourself. They can even be on different teams! Please don't make too many though.

6. Don't overly control other people's characters! For example, you can't make them join your team or have them accidentally destroy their team's castle. Actually, the second one would probably go under godmodding, but the former still applies.

7. Also, please speak in third person! It's not a major thing, but I'd prefer it if the posts in this thread were in that tense. And if you want to speak out of the story, just use OOC and /OOC when youre finished.

Now, the different team's environment and castle descriptions:

Good
The Good team's castle is a huge tower with many fantastic sculptures carved on it's outer walls. The inside of the castle is a lot like the inside of a medevil castle. All the weapons are kept in the twisting underground tunnels that is the basement. The top of the tower is a lookout post. It also has some nice gardens with an extremely well sculpted fountain. The Good team's environment is mostly calm and peaceful. It has three areas: a huge lake with a small forest surrounding it, a hilly area with a few caves, and a massive, rocky valley with a river stretching through it to the giant lake.

Neutral
The Neutral team's castle is built in an enormous tree. It is deliberately coated in moss and ivy. The courtyard has a spectacularly crafted fountain in the middle of it, along with many lifeberry bushes and other harmless plants. All of the rooms in the castle have at least two potted plants in them. The inside of the castle is also, like the Good team's castle, very medevil-y. The castle has no weapon storage, but instead has a big library full of spellbooks. The only area in the Neutral team's land is the enormous mystic forest that their castle is in.

Spam
The Spam team's castle is made out of, well, spam! It's shape is what a generic evil castle would look like. To make it even more generic, it's also on top of an evil-looking mountain! A trapdoor in the castle leads down into a secret underground weapons chamber in the mountain. Only the spammers know where the trapdoor is and how to open it. The Spam team's environment has, like the Good team, three areas: An evil forest of twisted, dead trees, a huge, dry canyon with a few abandoned mines dotted around it and a huge crocodile-infested swamp.

No signup forms are necessary, or, for that matter, signups! You can just jump into the fight whenever you want.

And so, IT STARTS!

One day in the kingdom of the Good, Felixrain the Yerfclops Overlord noticed that there was a round figure atop one of the towers on the spam castle. But there had been nobody there for years...His eye must be failing him! But it wasn't, because when his butler came up to serve him some tea he noticed it too! So Felixrain got some binoculars and zoomed in on the figure until...Oh no! It was Spolcfrey, the evil Yerfclops! "I shall destroy you, foolish do-gooders!" He boomed from the evil castle. "The SPAM is coming!"
Felixrain decided he'd better go and defeat Spolcfrey, so he quickly descended from the tower and set off.
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Old 05-22-2011, 10:12 AM   #2
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Default Re: Spam Battle: Return of the Spam!

As Spolcfrey watched Felixrain race toward his castle, a cloaked man stepped behind him. "I assume the plan is working as you wished?" he rasped. Spolcfrey shrugged. Although they were working together in this, he absolutely despised the man. If he was a man at all.

"Of course it is. Phase 1 has been completed. You ready for phase 2?"
"Yesss... Do not doubt me."
"I wouldn't dream of it."

Spolcfrey felt the urge to give the order even though he already knew the cloaked man would commence it. But he did it anyway. "Prepare to atta-" but the cloaked man was gone. Figures.
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Old 05-22-2011, 10:52 AM   #3
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Default Re: Spam Battle: Return of the Spam!

A Man in Camo uniform and a Question mark on his shirt jumps down with Felixrain the Overlord.

"Need my assistance this time, Sir?"

He knows that he is able for the job, since his number 1 thing he is good at is causing havoc with the enemies. He COULD have been on the opposite side, but because he is Random, he decides to join the good instead.
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Last edited by RandomCommander; 05-22-2011 at 11:39 AM. Reason: No butler :(
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Old 05-22-2011, 11:38 AM   #4
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Default Re: Spam Battle: Return of the Spam!

OOC: Just to clarify, my butler isn't with me. He's still at the Good Castle. /OOC

"Sure, let's go!" Replied Felixrain. "We'll need all the help we can get against Spolcfrey!" And so they set off. But by the time they reached the dry canyon (the closest area to the Spam Castle), Spolcfrey noticed them approaching! "Aha, attackers! Take this, do-gooding fools!" And with that, he got a spammon (spam cannon) and started firing spammonballs at the duo! The random commander (OOC: I'm assuming that's what RC is /OOC) dodged the spherical spam lumps, but Felixrain got battered! "Let's get through this spammonball storm before you get hurt any more!" advised the commander.
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Old 05-22-2011, 11:43 AM   #5
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Default Re: Spam Battle: Return of the Spam!

With that, the commander summoned a mortar, and started firing at the spammon that was firing at the overlord. "While i distract him, you search for nearby cover!" he advised, and the overlord ran to a spammy-looking cacti. It wasn't much, but it protected him some.

The mortar shots bombarded near Splocfrey and his cannon, and some of the floor of the tower he was on started giving way. He is still able to fire, though.
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Old 05-22-2011, 12:24 PM   #6
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Default Re: Spam Battle: Return of the Spam!

"Send reinforcements!" shouted Spolcfrey as he pushed his way out from under the ruble. "Deploy fifty troops," he roared "Now!"

"Yes sir!" replied the nearest soldier.

A voice behind him caught his hears, "My work here is done." It was the cloaked man. "I must leave now and prepare to execute phase 3." Spolcfrey was patting a bloody wound on his left arm. He looked at the cloaked figure with narrow eyes. "Well then get outta here! I have a battle to attend to!"

The cloaked man snapped his fingers and disappeared. Just like that. Spolcfrey refocused on the battle.
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Old 05-22-2011, 12:30 PM   #7
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Default Re: Spam Battle: Return of the Spam!

the Random commander noticed that there was a lull in Spolcfrey's firing. "I think i hit him!" Random said, but just then, another Spammon ball shot and directly hit the mortar, which sent random flying to the spam cacti Felixrain was in. He felt some of the spam tug at him, trying to repair the dent he made, and he also felt sharp pain of spikes. He quickly got back up, trying to pick of quills that stuck to him. Then he heard some footsteps from the spam castle.

"Uh oh! reinforcements!" the commander exclaims.
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Old 05-22-2011, 01:18 PM   #8
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Default Re: Spam Battle: Return of the Spam!

And just like that, pouring out of the Spam Castle and racing down the hill was an army of 50 soldiers! Felixrain, seeing this, charged! The two forces collided, and Felixrain, being a Yerfclops, bashed the nearest soldier with his blubber! Unfortunately, the spam soldiers were made of tougher stuff. "Uh oh! I should have brought my sword..." He commented worriedly. "Wait a minute...WHY DIDN'T I BRING MY SWORD?!" And before he could rush back to get it, he was swarmed by some of the soldiers!

"Don't worry Felixrain, I'm coming!" Said Random, and into the fray he went.
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If anyone does a starting akin, accomplish it about also-ran. He is the absurd adventure bold's capital appearance (usually)!
- A spambot
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Old 05-22-2011, 01:54 PM   #9
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Default Re: Spam Battle: Return of the Spam!

He summons a shield with a rubber duck on it, and CHARGES THROUGH!!!!
But then he ran into one with reinforced spam armor and rebounded.
So he went and summoned a cherry bomb. "Felix, im sorry for this, but i had to do it!" he says as he threw the bomb. Luckily, he didn't have to be sorry as the bomb deviated to the back of the army and exploded only a few spam soldiers.Half of them noticed the commander and charged.

"Oh crazy roaches and pelicans!" Random said and he started running for his life, but stumbled due to the cacti wounds and smashed into a tree, toppling it over and crushing the soldiers that were after him. the soldiers on Felixrain were still on him. "Quick! Grab a sword!" the commander says and throws one to him, except it wasn't a sword (his mistake), it was a mace.
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Old 05-23-2011, 09:01 AM   #10
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Yerfdog Re: Spam Battle: Return of the Spam!

Felixrain quickly pummeled the soldiers with his new mace, but it's a bit difficult to hold because his paws aren't that big. However, the soldier with reinforced spam armour was still standing along with a few others! They quicky chased after Random, who ran! Unfortunately he stumbled again due to the cacti wounds! And this time there wasn't a tree in front of him. "Bah hah hah!" Boomed the armoured soldier. "Let's take him back to the castle."

So they all lifted him, gripping him tight, marching back to the castle. Random couldn't escape!...And then a mace swung through the air and smacked the armoured soldier on the head. He toppled, freeing Random! "The one place his armour couldn't reach." Said Felixrain triumphantly (spelling?).

"Grrr...I'm gonna getcha now!" The armoured soldier growled, rubbing his head. "CHAAARGE!"
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Old 05-23-2011, 09:13 AM   #11
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Default Re: Spam Battle: Return of the Spam!

"Ha ha!" laughed Spolcfrey. "Prepare the archers, we'll pick them off like fish in a barrel. Ha ha!"

As the army of spam was ripping through Felixrain and Random, a lone penguin stepped over the hill. His cape blew in the wind and a mask hid his face. It was a ninja penguin. It was Pewskeepski! But not just Pewskeepski, an army rose from the peek of the hill behind the ninja. The army of good had arrived! "CHARGE!" yelled Pewskeepski.
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Old 05-23-2011, 01:10 PM   #12
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Default Re: Spam Battle: Return of the Spam!

Random looked at his cacti wounds, the approaching army, and the remenants of the spam army (including archers). "I better retreat and heal, Mr. Penguin over there will take over." He dashes over to the side, and stumbles again. He ends up in front of the Neutral castle, which he didn't know was there before.

The doors to the Neutral castle opened, and out stepped a golem. He had a bunch of medical supplies on his whole body. "What can i help you with, today? Hmm, Spam cacti. One moment please..." He took out a spambane knife, and cut away at the spam cacti, which dissolved quickly, and then he took out some sort of glowing lotion and rubbed it against where Random hit the cacti. The scabs magically ebbed away. Random managed a very confused "uhhhh..." before the Golem gestured him away and saod "Now, go fight the good fight. I see you have reinforcements."

"Weird..." Says the commander as he walks away to rejoin the battle.
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Old 05-23-2011, 02:28 PM   #13
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Default Re: Spam Battle: Return of the Spam!

"Hiya!" Pewskeepski swung his flipper right into the mouth of a spambot with a successful round-house kick. The soldiers of good were fighting well, and the battle was turning in their favor. Suddenly, arrows started ripping through his fellows warriors. The spam had archers on top of their castle! "Take cover!" yelled the ninja as he dove behind a rock. "Stay under the trees! We'll be able to avoid them better there!"
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Old 05-23-2011, 02:56 PM   #14
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Default Re: Spam Battle: Return of the Spam!

Felixrain quickly hid along with Pewskeepski's group. "Hmm...Wait a minute, where's my mace?!"

And then he noticed it. In the armoured soldier's hand. "Thanks for the mace, catfood-brain! See what I did there? Heh heh heh!" He chuckled. "You can have my spare katana!" Said Pewskeepski, and handed Felixrain a katana. "Thanks! But we'd better make a dash for it in a minute; the very last soldiers are advancing on us and the arrows aren't going to miss forever..."

"You're right...On my count then: Three, two, one..."

"YEEE HAAAH!!!" Yelled Random, charging into battle.

Meanwhile inside the Spam Castle, Spolcfrey was viewing the carnage from a window in the castle. "Grr...I've still got one last trick up my sleeve!" And he went through the secret trapdoor to the castle's weapon chamber and closed it after him.
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Old 05-23-2011, 03:08 PM   #15
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Default Re: Spam Battle: Return of the Spam!

Random stops suddenly, as if he forgot something. "I should have a mount..." And then he summons a tank! He gets in and drives forward, blasting part of the spam castle wall in progress. However, the spam castle wall just regenerates. Random opens the tank's hatch to take a look at it. Then he remembers: "Oh yeah! That golem nurse person killed it with some sort of weird knife!" He loaded a shell with spambane knives and loaded it onto the tank, just then, a rain of arrows landed on his tank, and one almost hit him! He loaded the shell, and fired at the archers. The shell exploded into a bunch of knives like a multi-missile, and the knives flew toward the archers.
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Old 05-23-2011, 04:05 PM   #16
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Post Re: Spam Battle: Return of the Spam!

Suddenly, a big dove with four wings and a spiked tail appeared over the hills, and flew towards the neutral castle. He landed on the top of the tower, and sat down. ''Quite a wonderful place, I wonder why it's so lonely here though... the plants alone are beatiful, it should be already swarmed by visitors''. What Dung didn't know that were was a huge ongoing battle againist the spam.
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Old 05-23-2011, 04:19 PM   #17
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Default Re: Spam Battle: Return of the Spam!

The same Golem looked up and saw the dove. "Hmm, this is a weird anatomical feature, why does it have four wings? oh well. May i help you?"
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Old 05-23-2011, 04:41 PM   #18
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Default Re: Spam Battle: Return of the Spam!

''Yes, I'd like a tour inside this castle, if possible'' said Dung. ''Uh... okay, but you are too big to fit in the door.'' ''Don't worry about that, I'll solve it in a moment'', and with those words he transformed into a small bug. The golem's jaw literally dropped. The bug flied into the hands of the golem. ''Well? What are you waiting for?'' ''Ummm... nothing, mister, n-n-nothing...''. The golem brought in Dung and started the promised tour.

*15 minutes later*

''And that is the neutral castle in a nutshell. Anything else?'' ''No, thanks. Now, could you bring me back outside?'' ''Sure.'' Once outside, the bug transformed into the dove again and sat down on the roof again. ''Weird... but interesting.'' said the golem as he stepped back inside the castle.
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Old 05-23-2011, 05:31 PM   #19
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Default Re: Spam Battle: Return of the Spam!

Suddenly, the arrows stopped raining down on the forces of good. "What's up?" someone in the crowd of soldiers asked. Pewskeepski scoffed "Ha ha! They've run out of arrows, for now at least. Open fire!" With that, the spammy archers found themselves being shot at. They fell from the castle. Dead. One by one at first. Then they fell in twos, then threes, and then there were no more archers to shoot down. "Take heart, dudes. We've almost won!" said Pewskeepski as led the final assault on the last defenses of the spam castle. "CHAAARDE!!" Yelled both Pewskeepski and Felixrain as they - and they're soldiers - sprinted towards the enemy's castle. Ready to put an end to Spolcfrey!
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Old 05-23-2011, 06:12 PM   #20
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Default Re: Spam Battle: Return of the Spam!

"Oh, but not so fast."
A Wizard descended on the battle. He was robed in yellow, with a ninja mask on his head.
Everyone gasped.
It was Yellow Ninja.
Mercenary of the Bright Wind.
Merciless leader of the Colored Shogunate.
His noble, loyal followers, Green Shinobi, Orange Samurai, and White Chiryo-shi teleported by his side.
Then his brother Black Shogun came next to him.
Yellow said: "You two armies have caused too much chaos here. the wildlife is distressed, the nearby village is afraid, and I will not have this."
Then they started attacking.
OOC: Please don't think the grey text of White Chiryo-shi as invisotext, because I didn't want to make it pure white, and pure white is invisotext.

Last edited by . Yellow Wizard .; 05-23-2011 at 06:13 PM.
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