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Belittling Horror Excessively: Vampire Girl Vs. Frankenstein Girl12:08 AM -- Sun October 23, 2011

This is a movie review... I will not outright spoil things, but if you want to really experience a movie fresh and clean, there is information below that will dirty you up! So beware of mild semi-spoilers.

Synopsis: Hmm, let's see... A new girl transfers to school and turns Jyugon into a half-vampire by feeding him her own blood. She wants him to become a full vampire and stay with her, but his previous girlfriend wants to keep him. Her dad happens to be the vice principal as well as a distant relative of Dr. Frankenstein, so you know... fountains of blood ensue.

Scariness Type: Oh, it's not scary. But there is more blood in any one of these students than in the entire student body of any other school on the planet (and rarely does it stay inside the student for long - understandable given the pressure it's kept under). The gore is off the charts, but so utterly ridiculous and bright and colorful that it's hard to be disgusted by it.

Rating: 5/5 Helicopter Legs.

Awarded: The US Government Corn Subsidy Award. Thank you, Japan, for using every ounce of corn syrup our country can produce, in a single movie!

Good Stuff: This is Scott Pilgrim on a small budget, except for the tons of gore. It's absolutely cheery and exciting, and never slows down. It's also very directly based on a manga, to the extent that you can almost see the frames of the comic as they happen. If you want to know what you're in for, just remember that: It's exactly like Scott Pilgrim with more violence (the plot is totally different, though). There are innumerable parallels. And that's definitely a good thing. I absolutely loved Vampire Girl, she was just the peppiest vampire since Harmony (without the attitude). Oh, and the movie was dubbed, which generally is a bad thing, but it was dubbed perfectly for what it is, and the actors had all kinds of personality. A couple of lines fell flat or were read wrong, but the vast majority were just hyperactive anime insanity.

Also good: the sheer ridiculousness of the whole thing. There are ribcage flails, blood roller skates, helicopter legs, a walking eyeball, a wrist-cutting competition, the cutest drop of blood you've ever seen (which gets the biggest laugh in the movie), and... oh yeah. Something that's ridiculous but goes in the other list.

Bad Stuff: Hoo boy... remember how we discussed racism back in Nine Dead? Whoa. I'll just say you'll know it when you see it in this movie! It's of course done with good cheer like everything else in this movie, and I was definitely laughing, but whoa.

There are also a couple of musical montages that go on about a minute too long each. Other than that, it'd be hard to find things to complain about! The effects are mostly quite bad, but that's more of a plus than a minus in this context.

Classic Rules of Film: If you show a single drop of blood on the floor in Act 1, someone will have to chase it around with a mop in Act 2.

My Take: Definitely see it! See Bloody Mallory, then see this (no relation, it's just that it's still Best Movie Ever). It might be bad if you faint at the sight of blood, or at the sight of oceans of blood raining down while people twirl in delight, but if you can handle extremely fake blood in extremely large quantities, you would have a very hard time not enjoying this movie.

Also, I'd like to say that this is effectively the third version of Let The Right One In I've seen now. This one is a bit sillier than the other two.

Artistic Nonsense: This movie offers a cogent theme that we can all understand: Don't take candy from strangers.

Tomorrow's movie is our third mockumentary overall and our third super long title in a row that makes tweeting difficult, Behind The Mask: The Rise Of Leslie Vernon. It's supposed to be good! I probably should get back to movies that actually attempt to frighten at some point.
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