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Belittling Horror Excessively: ABCs of Death10:37 PM -- Thu October 10, 2013

SPOILER WARNING: THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS

Synopsis: The producers of this movie chose 26 directors from all around the world (many different languages in here!), gave each of them a letter of the alphabet, and told them to come up with a word that starts with that letter and make a very very short horror movie based on the word, with no constraints. A complete lack of constraints ensues.

Scariness Type: You have 26 different stories here, but I think I can safely say there's a whole lot of gore, and I guess the other main thing is just trying to be as weird and shocking and taboo as possible. Not really jump scares or anything.

Rating: 1/5 Ducks.

Body Count: 48 people, 1 spider, and 1 completely unacceptable kitten.

Fun Fact: Zetsumetsu is extinction in Japanese! It's also utter insanity.

Best Moment: As much as I enjoyed "F is for Fart", I think the story for the letter V was the best. Because it was one of maybe two shorts in the movie that actually had a story. It was a sci-fi tale that in the course of its 5 minutes-or-so was able to build up a world with forced sterilization, and mutant psychic powers, and an underground movement, and a secret goverment program to eradicate the mutants. And tell a story in that world. Of course, the story didn't really have much of an ending, but I was still impressed.

Worst Moment: Several of the shorts made absolutely no sense at all. Some because they were being artsy, and others because they were trying to be as absurd as possible. So what is the worst moment? So hard to choose. The one I keep remembering is G is for Gravity. It was all first-person video, and here's the entire story: a guy pulls up to the beach, gets out his surfboard, loads up a bunch of bricks into a bag, and then he paddles out into the ocean and drops in and I guess dies because that's the end. Suicide, I guess. Just nothing to it at all, total waste of time.

A Suspension Bridge Too Far: Most of what this movie contained was absolutely nuts. It's not something you really suspend your disbelief for in the first place, it's more like the Spike & Mike animation festival (it even included a couple animated sequences!).

Horror Tropes: I don't know, but they probably used most of them in there somewhere.

My Take: I can't turn down a chance to watch an anthology horror movie! But you know what they should've done? Made this a TV series, give their 26 directors each half an hour (or do 2 per show, and give them 15 minutes). The 4-6 minutes each of these stories lasted really meant they couldn't do anything that even came close to a story. It was more like "isn't this weird?" or "here's a bad guy, now he kills this guy! Whoa!" Which is not interesting. It kept me watching, since there was something completely new every few minutes, but it really wasn't worth the time. And if there is anything that offends you, you'll find it in this movie. Really crazy stuff. Only a few of the stories were any good at all, and even those were pretty worthless just due to their length. All in all, not something you should see.

Missed Opportunity: Like I said, they should've made it a series so the stories could be a decent length.

The Lesson: Our alphabet has too many letters. Maybe go Hawaiian next time.

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