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Belittling Horror Excessively: The Collection05:43 PM -- Tue October 15, 2013

SPOILER WARNING: THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS

Synopsis: Some kids go to a rave, in which 90% of the partiers are mowed down by a giant death shredder, and then the main character (one of said kids, but not one of the ones that is shredded) is kidnapped by "The Collector", a serial killer who apparently slaughters large numbers of people and takes one from each attack back to his secret lair. In the process, for reasons I'm not super clear on, one of his previous victims is set free. Some commando type guys hire/force the previous victim to lead them to The Collector's lair, because they are hired to rescue the main character. Incidentally, the previous victim guy is also a main character, I don't know which one is more main of a character. Traps ensue!

Scariness Type: There's gore a-plenty, jump scares a-few, and a serial killer's creepy house of deadly traps and grotesque 'sculptures' made of human body parts stitched together in incorrect ways. That guy's a weirdo.

Rating: 4/5 Bear Traps.

Body Count: 86 at least, plus 2 dogs. See, it's really hard to count, since in the first 5 minutes of the movie, at least 60 people die as the ravegoers meet a giant lawnmower thing, and then there's also a crusher room and a series of slicer-upper traps. It's pretty brutal!

Fun Fact: That rave looked like it was taking place in Zion!

Best Moment: These movie killers are always so specific about what they do. In this movie, you have a guy whose thing is laying ridiculously elaborate traps (which is fun!). But something I really liked was that when things really turned against him - a swat team was getting ready to beat down the door, and his victims were escaping - he didn't mess around. He picked up a machine gun and 2 big german shepherds (well, he didn't pick them up, but he told them to come with him from wherever they were kept) and just stormed into the room and tried to gun down all the goodguys before things got any worse. Now that's real life. Sure, you want to stick with your gimmick, but when the fan is being struck with waste products, you pull out everything you've got to just get through it and move on to the next genius trap extravaganza.

Worst Moment: I didn't really enjoy the arm-breaking scene...

A Suspension Bridge Too Far: Nothing about this movie was remotely believable, it was just fun instead. But two things really made me say "that did not happen that way!" One was when the villain had some gasoline on him, was laying on the ground next to a bunch of cans of gasoline, and the hero (male edition in this case - remember, we have two to choose from) drops a lit cloth on him, and he goes up in a massive blaze... He then later is just mysteriously missing from that spot next time they look. He got away, apparently completely unscarred. Totally insane. The other thing wasn't really one thing, it was just that all the characters in this movie were resourceful to a degree that would make MacGyver jealous. For the villain, that was his gimmick - he made impossibly elaborate traps, fine. But all the goodguys were nearly as brilliant as him, ranging from memorizing the path to his house based on the turns that got him there (and carving marks into his own arm to track it) to re-breaking your own broken arm so you can bend it better. Yeesh, that was a rough scene.

Horror Tropes: I didn't write this down, so I can't verify it, but you just know we had a blood drip from above scene. There had to be. Of course there was also the killer disappearing when you think he's dead (see above as to why that was ridiculous), and a nice case of Extra-Crazy Stockholm Syndrome.

My Take: This movie was tons of fun, and I totally enjoyed it. I hear it's the sequel to The Collector, which I'd be happy to see too. Now, let's be clear - I had a lot of fun with this movie, but it is not by any means a good movie. It's stupid. Soooo stupid. But that's okay, it was fun and silly and my brain was checked at the door. I forgot to get a number with it, but they were able to find it in there and return it to me afterwards. It was like an entire movie of "Well, Mr. Bond, I'll leave you here to die in my elaborate mechanism while I go demand more millions from the U.N.! I'm sure you'll be dead when I return! I don't need security cameras, that's fine, I trust you to die." again and again.

Missed Opportunity: More traps! We could've had more!

The Lesson: Watch your step. Just watch your step.

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