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Belittling Horror Excessively: You're Next02:30 AM -- Fri October 10, 2014

SPOILER WARNING: THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS

This story hit close to home. It's about an awkward family get-together where everybody is being awful (and awfully loud and screechy), and at one point, one guy says he's a filmmaker who makes documentaries, and another tells him how commercials are where it's at and he should make those. Oh yeah, I've been there, folks. Games and apps are not the same thing!!

So (twist spoiler incoming) it turns out that some of the family members hired killers to kill off the rest of the family so they could collect the inheritance. What they didn't count on is that the girlfriend of one of the family members (one of the evil ones, as it turns out in the final twist) grew up as a survivalist nut with all the trap-laying skills of Macauley Culkin and Wile E. Coyote rolled up in one. She kills the killers, then kills the people who hired them, and even kills a cop or two (on accident) before all is said and done. This is basically what I wanted to happen in The Bleeding House a few days ago, and I couldn't be happier!

Well, I could be happier. It's not a great movie by any means. The worst part is how awful the people are, and when crossbow bolts start flying, they all start screaming so discordantly and endlessly that it's just torture to even watch the movie for some fairly hefty chunks of it.

Aside from that issue though, I don't really have any notes of stuff I really didn't like. It was kind of enjoyable to watch her take out the badguys. You don't get a lot of that in horror movies, usually it's all just heroes being slowly killed off until it ends with a sudden SPLUT and credits. So we have a body count of 15, and I'm going to award this movie the coveted 4 out of 5 Spike Traps.

For this one, I just drew the face from the movie poster – the killers all wore these sort of plain animal masks under hoodies. It's pretty creepy.
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